I had the honour of giving a talk at TEDx WestVancouverED this past Saturday. What made it even more enjoyable is that I did it with my oldest daughter Liz. There is likely another post coming about the event and the process once the video is posted, but I wanted to share the script for our talk along with the slides. Liz and I both feel strongly about this topic, and think it is a good conversation starter.
As a little background, here is Liz’s bio from the program:
Liz Kennedy is a high school student at McMath Secondary School in Richmond. She balances her academics with participation in various leadership activities and sports including five school sports: cross country, volleyball, basketball, track and swimming. Liz is a committed student, experienced vegetarian and patient older sister to her three younger siblings.
Below are the slides (if you receive this post via email you may need to open the post on the website to see the slides) and our script which each of our parts labeled:
Liz
From a young age I have always played a lot of sports. From cheer, to swimming, to baseball to basketball, sports have always been and still are a big part of my life. My parents put me in numerous sports starting at a very young age and they continue to be a part of everyday life for my siblings and I.
And when you have 3 siblings, your parents often see if they can have more than one child on the same team, which has meant my brother who is only one year younger than me and I have often played together on the same teams. This is strange for some people – but I am not quite sure why. When I run track or swim I always train with boys and girls – so why should baseball or basketball any different.
All kids care about is if you can play. If you’re good, willing to be competitive and a hard worker boys will play against you just like any other guy. In my over ten years of playing sports, I have never felt boys didn’t want me to play with them because of my gender.
Chris
As long as she has been playing my wife and I have been driving, coaching and cheering from the side. I know the crazy sports parents talk is for a different time. We have always wanted our kids to be exposed to a lot of sports. We grew up in busy homes of arts, culture and athletics and we have wanted the same for our kids. And while kids don’t seem to care about gender, parents are full of opinions.
Parents seem to get all caught up in gender. I grew up in a house of boys, so I never really thought about gender and sports. When I look back, I don’t think I ever played with girls on my soccer, baseball, or hockey teams. That of course does not make it right then or now. It is one of the last areas where it seems many feel that the genders should be separated, somehow to protect both genders from a young age. But I wonder to protect them from what? And at what expense?
As Liz said, her playing boys sports was often out of convenience. With her brother one year younger and sports often spanned two years – so we could have 2 kids at the same place at the same time if they played together. The responses I received were often surprising. First, there were those that thought it was a great statement of courage – I never really understood that – it was just kids playing sports. More concerning, I have been told a lot of crazy reasons why people are uncomfortable to have girls like Liz playing with their sons. From worries about “injuries” like she is breakable, to acting as though they are not thinking it themselves but worried about “other” parents, to wanting to argue that this is actually discrimination against boys. And to be honest, several far worse, that may get dismissed by some as “locker room talk” that I won’t repeat. And it is not just dads, it is moms as well. Parents seem to carry their antiquated views from their youth to parenthood.
Liz
Just this past spring a team an all girls team from Spain with players around 13 years old won a 14 team league that featured all boys teams. Even though parents were worried that their little girls might get hurt by the boys, the girls convinced them otherwise. The girls knew that the only way they were going to get better was by playing against the best, which sadly in Spain where girls grass-roots programs receive almost no funding, meant playing in a “boys” league. Coaches of the other teams questioned the decision as did the referees and the boys parents. The only people who didn’t care? The boys they were playing against. They got good games against a really good team. Everyone was getting better and most importantly everyone was having fun. Contrary to what we see often see girls and boys can have fun playing sports with and against each other.
And yes, of course we still need girls only sports, because we have particular issues still with girls getting and staying active and sometimes single gender opportunities can make them feel safe. That’s why we should have co-ed and girls only. While parents might not believe it, but girls can be and are just as competitive as boys their age, and often at young ages bigger and stronger. While there may be the odd sport exception, I am not sure why we need any “boys” sports.
When making teams or putting together groups there are so many other ways to organize young people in sports. At young ages girls can be bigger than the boys. So size is definitely one better way to organize teams. You can also easily organize teams by skill so that all kids regardless of gender are appropriately challenged. What about age? what school they go to? and who their friends are? Why do we always jump to sorting by gender when there are so many other options we could explore? In sports like swimming and track, there are ways we can add more mixed gender relays and such that promote gender integration by having girls and boys competing on the same team.
Chris
Our views on gender have evolved quickly. Since many of us were in school there are dramatic shifts away from stereotypes of boys as the doctors and girls as the nurses, and the men being the ones who work outside the home and women being the ones who are the keepers of the home. And in the last decade thinking around homosexuality and more recently transgendered persons has rightfully changed thinking from marriage to bathrooms. Yet, we do still hold to some traditions.
And the argument isn’t that we should not ever consider gender when it comes to sports. Things do change around puberty, but in most sports there are few reason why kids up until about 12 years of age can’t play together. It is not to say there are no gender differences but do they really require us to separate them in physical activities. So maybe we are not making the high school basketball team co-ed that doesn’t mean there are not a number of changes we can make. And in the end sports, in particular youth sports, are about fun and being social, and don’t we want this to be done in an inclusive environment as possible.
We want sports to build strong, confident youth. We want young boys and girls to recognize that boys and girls are different but rather than girls being “courageous” for playing with boys we have to find ways for this to be the norm. As Liz said, there is a need for girls sports alongside co-ed sports, we need structures that get more young people active. Too often girls sports are perceived as “less” than boys sports. Removing gender tags can assist in tackling some of the sexism that is rampant in sports from young ages through to professionals. The kids seem to have figured this out, but the adults are slow to change. Messages young people see send strong statements, some that last a lifetime – and what a powerful message it is that from our very youngest ages, we all can share the same field, court or rink.
Liz
I am happy to Play Like a Girl. And I will do it proudly, yes, what was seen as insult when my mom was growing up is now often a compliment. It is proof that our world is changing for the better. Youth sports can help speed up the changing. When I am told I throw like a girl, or run like a girl, or play like a girl – I say thank you.
Instead of BOYS soccer, BOYS Baseball, and BOYS hockey – what is there was just soccer, baseball and hockey. Since when does the gender define the sport? This could have a huge impact beyond just these sports.
Moms and Dads running leagues listen to your sons, they don’t care that I am a girl, like me your sons just want to play the sport they love. Everyone just wants to get better and have a lot of fun. So let’s get on with it.
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