Now how is that for a title?
As a political junkie, it was just a matter of time before I found a way to weave a blog post together linking US Presidential politics to our work (or more specifically, my work). Recently, a particular column about President Obama spoke to me; it was Michael Takiff’s “Why Doesn’t Obama Like to Schmooze?”
This piece, contrasts the current president’s nights at home with his family, and former President Clinton’s, which were often spent meeting with lawmakers and engaging in the “work” of being president, connecting continuously and relentlessly. In fairness to Clinton, the article also points to his efforts in living a balanced life at home with his daughter. But, Takiff says about Obama:
While he is America’s only president, he is also his daughters’ only father; his duty to them demands that he take time out from his duty to his country. And so he makes sure that at 6:30 each evening he’s seated at the family dinner table. After the meal, he helps his daughters with their homework.
So, why I am I writing about this? It struck a chord, because I am questioning if parenting is generation-oriented; has parenthood become different from previous generations, and I am also wonder about the role technology is playing, well actually, more how it can play in changing the “rules” of our work.
Now, on becoming a parent, over a decade ago, when the opportunity of a new job came up, before salary, before potential prospects, before anything, in fact, the first question I asked (and still ask) is, “What do the evening commitments look like?” For, like Obama, I am not interested in being an absentee parent. I’m not suggesting anyone does,or that previous generations did — I do think the game has changed. For me, I am happy doing “the work” online late into the night, and picking it up early the next day. BUT, I want to make a window of time, on a semi-regular basis — somewhere between six and nine at night, when I engage with my kids.
There is no longer a prize for being the first car in the parking lot in the morning, or the last car to leave at night. For many, that was (for some, it still is) the sign of ‘hard’ work. However, where work happens is changing. No question, there are parts of my job that require being “present” and having face time. There are other parts that simply need to get done, and they can be done in the office, at home, at 6:00 p.m. or the next morning.
On being superintendent — having been appointed to this position three years ago, and now just completing my second full year in the role, I do find the position is a bit what one makes of it, and there are so many ways to “do it right”. I have seen others in the role who are masters of the community, attending events at arts clubs, chambers of commerce, community centres and many other community events. And, this is important work, because it raises the profile and interests of a school district. One still needs to pick and choose how they will spend their time.
My focus is really getting the learning right in classrooms, so classrooms over community has sometimes been the priority. And, to be honest, I have had no problem with working hard, I do want to be sure that my own family sees me some evenings. Yes, I nod my head knowingly at presentations to parents where we discuss the importance of family dinners and other similar connections, knowing full well, that at that moment, I’m doing the very opposite this. I have had to make choices to forgo evening opportunities, and redefining the role of superintendent, aligned with those values. I also do realize what I attend speaks to what I say is important – so these decisions are always taken carefully.
Now, if the President of the United States has figured out a way to be home most nights by 6:30 for dinner, surely I (and those who work with me, and have jobs like mine) can find new ways to be home for dinner a couple of nights a week (I am reminded of a previous story blogged about in YOUR CHOICE). That said, to the credit of those I am working with in West Vancouver, from staff to Trustees, we are experimenting with more online meetings, and looking at doing more of the face-to-face meetings during daytime hours. Our District Leadership Team of six, all have children in the K-12 system right now, so this issue is very relevent for all of us.
So, if the President of the United States can have dinner with his family “most nights”, that’s certainly good enough for me to aspire to!
Nice blog again, Chris. Now the question I have is will Obama’s commitment to dinner with his family, rather than his commitment to building relationships with congress, help or hurt him in his bid for re-election. Or, in the end, maybe having those relationships with his family trumps a second term.
Speaking of values, I’m assuming your Board has now dealt with the Strategic Plan and if a copy is available, I’d appreciate one.
Many thanks,
Malcolm
Malcolm S. Weinstein, Ph.D. President, Weinstein Management Ltd. Turning Dreams into Results P: 604 374 1250
Great comments, Chris. I have a friend who was an excellent principal who decided to return to the classroom at a young age because of too many evening commitments. He told me that if he kept on doing what he was doing, his stature as an administrator would continue to grow and he would get the nice compliments. But, would his children really know him or care?
Oh yes… a great connection to the presidential race where I think too many people think Romney would be a great guy because he works 18 hours a day 😉
It does seem that some principals / vice-principals in some district cultures are not able to do the job unless they are at school 3 or more evenings a week and then at the school on weekends – not great modelling for what we say is important in our system.
Excellent post Chris. I struggled immensely when I first became a school-based administrator (19 years ago, wow, time flies). My children were both under the age of two and I very much wanted to be home in the evenings to play with them, read with them, take them camping and help coach their teams. As you know, there are a lot of long days, including 7:30 am meetings as well as night time expectations of secondary school administrators – parent meetings, PACs, games, dances, concerts, plays and events – and I was committed to being the best vice principal and principal I could be for my school community. I made the choice to be a Dad first. If we are responsible for improving the life chances of the young people in our schools, we should begin with our own children. I also believe this has helped me become a more effective school principal as I am better able to understand the perspective of parents and of teenagers. I continue to work very hard and still attend as many school events as possible, but I always put my kids’ events into my schedule first.
Often I come back to work later and complete written tasks at home, but I made it work. My children are now happy and healthy 18 and 20 year olds and we still have a great relationship. All parents know that time does indeed fly by, so cherish every moment you can with your kids. At the end of the day, this should be our most important role in life.
Thanks Jim. I appreciate your story and how it has worked out for you. And wow . . . 19 years . . . . !!!!
What refreshing words Chris. I have felt and experienced many of the same things since becoming a school based administrator 8 years ago. I needed my car to be first in the parking lot and the last to get home. As a result, it cost me a great deal personally.
Soon after, I made sure that my daughter came first and my schedule is always centered on her. I too felt those surreal pangs of guilt while listening to a parent cry in my office because of the struggles she was having holding her family together. Inside, I was crying because I was feeling the same – who was I to dispense advice? I learned however that it was ok for me to feel this way because it really taught me to feel even greater empathy for children in crisis (I wasn’t bad before).
So much of what we do is unquantifiable. Actually, its been my experience that the memos,emails,data collection and other things like that are the small stuff. Its the emotion we pour in for kids that is the hardest, but most rewarding of all. I have a wonderful daughter and great students to show for that!
Thanks Dennis – I love how much this post is resonating with people in education. I definitely know as I began my career in administration I thought I would be judged if I wasn’t first in and last out of the lot.
Great post Chris. That’s true leadership. I just read an article by Robin Sharma about his new book ‘The Leader Who Had No Title’ and he talks about the importance of leadership at home first. One of his tips for leadership is to ‘Lead Yourself First’ and focus on great family relationships as there is no point to becomming super successful but ending up alone. Thanks for modelling great leadership!
Thanks Kristi – and I am also really enjoying you blog!
Hi Chris, I enjoyed this post, as well as your other posts. I appreciate your humourous, honest and down-to-earth writing style. The magic of meal time can happen at breakfast and snack time too. Thanks for giving me food for thought to reflect on my own work-life balance.
Thanks Helen. It is nice to be able to use social media to tackle some serious issues, but also to have some fun as well!
A great post Chris. I have also held to the belief that you have to ‘like your work and love your life’. I have always tried to create a balance between work and home. Of all of life’s privileges, our greatest is our family. It is good to see that you have that balance as a Superintendent.