West Vancouver continues to take pride in offering the most innovative programming in the country to meet today’s learning and preparing them for the future. We are pleased to announce the launch of the Belvedere Learning Academy. This unique program for grades 4-9 students is a complete re-think on the modern school experience. While much has been made about the competing ideologies in recent years of Back to Basics vs. 21st Century Learning, we are changing the debate with our new program. We are bringing back the era of Garbage Pail Kids Stickers, boys playing shirts and skins in PE and leveled readers for all.
If you look around at leaders across North America one thing that is true is that an increasingly high percentage of them went to school during the 1980s. This period of time, is in many ways the intellectual and cultural high point of the last 100 years. We think today’s learners don’t need seats in rows and pencil and paper based learning of the Back to Basics 1950s nor the modern learning with all the fandangled technology of the 21st century – they need, what many of us had – an immersive 1980’s experience. And everything at the Belvedere Learning Academy will be 1980s. As the kids say, it is going to be gnarly!
Why Belvedere?
We start with the name. The Belvedere Learning Academy (BLA for short) is named for Mr. Belvedere, one of the many 1980s situation comedies that reflected life in North America. Mr. Belvedere was a posh British butler who moved in with the Owens family in Pittsburgh to assist the family on a weekly basis in solving their problems. Students today don’t understand that this is how problems in the 1980s were often solved – by your British butler. The photo of Mr. Belvedere at the front of the school will be a constant reminder of our purpose. We could have named the program for one of the more popular 1980s shows – the Family Ties Learning Centre or the Facts of Life Institute, but we think the BLA is more appropriate – Mr. Belvedere was never that popular, but it hung around and was OK, the kind of show you would watch if your only other choices were Cagney & Lacey or a repeat of Riptide – that is the kind of program we want to create.
School Uniforms
Unlike the Back to Basics schools which have strict uniform requirements, the BLA will have a philosophy. We think all students need to dress for the time. It is the expectation of big hair for the students, both boys and girls. Key clothing students should buy before enrolling include: Reebok pump high tops, spandex, leg warmers, high wasted acid wash jeans, cut-off sweatshirts and lots of neon. The dress code will extend to the staff. You will be able to identify all male staff at the BLA as they will be wearing Miami Vice suits each day and the females will be wearing Dynasty-like shoulder pads, even their tshirts will have them, just like in the 80’s.
Technology
Yes, we will use technology. We will use 1980s technology. The Academy will be equipped with 8 Apple 2e machines in the library. This will allow students to regularly play Lemonade Stand and Oregon Trail. Not wanting to lose sight of the current trend of computer coding we will also expose all students to Apple Logo programming – the triangular turtle is back! And yes, we will be a one-to-one device school – all students will be expected to have a Little Professor and bring it with them daily to school. For our secondary students we encourage the very stylish Casio watch calculator which we hope doesn’t slip off while we practice our Rubik Cube drills.
Curriculum
Most lessons will involve students copying information off of the overhead projector, and then sharing it back with the teacher through some zany-joke filled worksheet and end of unit scantron tests. Since the school will have 2 video players and 25″ televisions on rolling carts that play both VHS and BETA we will also include a number of key programs in the curriculum. For example, for science we will use episodes of That’s Incredible (but please as Cathy Lee Crosby reminds us – Don’t try this at home) and in our unit on communities in Social Studies we will use Real People episodes. Having Sarah Purcell and Byron Allen coming through the screen – they will be like extra teachers in the room.
In PE there will be a lot of parachutes and cosom hockey. As a treat, the gymnastics equipment will come for 5 weeks during which time students can climb ropes to the ceiling, vault like Mary-Lou Retton and perfect their Bart Conner rings routine (acing their iron cross will only help the students with their flexed arm hang test). And yes, the fitness badges are back – so practice your shuttle run. Not to lose sight of current efforts around cross cultural understanding, in PE during the professional wrestling unit and when for example, we are instructing on the Camel Clutch, this will be an opportunity to delve into the background for the Iron Sheik and his feud with Hulk Hogan and the good vs. evil struggles that exist around the world. We are particularly excited about this unit as it will be an opportunity to take our uniforms to the next level – totally tubular!
Evaluation
Two words will define our model – speed and awards. How fast can you complete an assignment? There is a math sample just below for you to practice. And awards – there will be stickers, lots of stickers! We will also post all the grades so the weaker students better understand they are weaker, thus wanting to improve. Now before you enroll, time yourself on this worksheet:
Hot Lunch Program
The modern hot lunch program, we all can agree, is out of control. Students at BLA will be asked to bring their lunch box daily, along with their Super Socco drink. As a reminder these lunch boxes will help define their class status, so please stick to Superman, My Little Pony, Evil Knievel, Knight Rider or other socially acceptable ones. On the last Friday of each month will be Hot Dog Day. This will be a huge production at the school. Parents will be expected to come in to boil wieners in the kitchen attached to the gym. The menu will be simple: hot dogs for everyone, then you select plain or chocolate milk and glazed or jelly donuts. That’s it. To borrow a quote from our current politics, we are going to make hot dog day great again!
Recess
We do expect students to get outside at recess, maybe shoot some hockey cards or play with their He-Man and She-Ra figures. They will not be allowed to have their Sony Walkmans on the field, and are asked to keep them in the cloakroom. Also a reminder that students are not to have their sticker collections out – save trading your scratch-and-sniff stickers for after school.
Final Sales Pitch
We all know that everything was better in the 1980s. So, stop just telling your kids about it and send them to the BLA so they can live it and become as successful as you!
Today’s announcement is the latest in the long line of innovative actions from our school district. Here is the list of those from recent years:
In 2012 I launched my FLOG.
In 2013 I made the announcement of Quadrennial Round Schooling.
In 2014 we formalized our System of Student Power Rankings.
In 2015 we created our Rock, Paper, Scissors Academy.
In 2016 we introduced the Drone Homework Delivery System.
In 2017 we introduced the Donald J. Trump Elementary School of Winning.
In 2018 we announced the construction of Soak City Elementary.
We look forward to bringing you all back to the 80s and I hope you are enjoying today as much as me!
Wow! I can’t wait to enroll my kids! Their current school is like, totally gag me with a spoon with all the “formative feedback” and junk. I can’t wait for their risograph worksheets to come home so I can smell that glorious smell. So glad I can finally crimp my hair, tease my bangs and cement it with aqua net again. Jelly shoes for all!
Absolutely loved it!👌👌👌😁
Best yet!!
Love it!
I was hoping for an Apple IIE rolling cart that could be used biweekly (shared by the whole school) and a expanded library of filmstrips.
Hello,
I’m a teacher in the Coquitlam school district and I always look forward to reading your April Fool’s blog posts. I’ve shared this one with some of my colleagues. The sad thing is, I can relate to a lot of things you have written about in this post!
Oh my! I had that calculator! I still have that smelly sticker. Hilarious!
[…] Admittedly I was tempted to “introduce a new school” much like @chrkennedy did today: the Belvedere academy… https://cultureofyes.ca/2019/04/01/belvedere-learning-academy-its-going-to-be-gnarly/ […]
Better than the current SEL world.
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[…] In 2019 we went back to the 80’s with the launch of the Belvedere Learning Academy. […]
[…] In 2019 we went back to the 80’s with the launch of the Belvedere Learning Academy. […]
[…] In 2019 we went back to the 80’s with the launch of the Belvedere Learning Academy. […]